life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
