I could make wine with my vomit
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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