I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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