I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
