420 ftw
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
