Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
