I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
