After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
