don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
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This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
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Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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