i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
