The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
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She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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