He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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