i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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