I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
