i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
