You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
