so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
