How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
