He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
