just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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