it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
