I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
