If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
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