I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
