she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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