Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
