I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
