i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
