Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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