apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
