i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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