I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
