life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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