I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My vagina just recognized that song.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
