thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
