He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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