8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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