id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
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it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
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I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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