Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
