apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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