He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
