She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
