I didn't shave. On purpose
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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