i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
