I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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