he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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