I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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