Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
