my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
