Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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