Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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