Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
