also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
