Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
