I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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