lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
