she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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