Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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