Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
