My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
