How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
