hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
