theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Come share oat with me in your robe
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
