Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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