Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
