we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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