I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
