yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
