two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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