I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
