Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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