So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
