Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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