You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
