I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
