I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
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