Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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