i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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