I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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